I do not fear death, long nor short. I have no soul to take, but you may take my body. I can niether be in heaven nor hell, for my spirit moves on throughout the world...searching for a new host. My spirit has no heart, feels no love, weakness, pride, sadness, anger, lust, greed, hate, suffering, joy, peace, nor happiness and or fear. The only emotion I do have...is pity. I'm contempt to have only pity. To pity the ones suffering in pain or fear or heartbreak. To pity the people with a hunger for anything and everything and will do whatever it takes to get it, and it becomes thier downfall. To pity the weak and defenseless who can't provide for themselves, it's quite invigorating I might say so myself. I can only have pity, because I have no soul, so I therefore have no emotions...despite pity for pity's sake. So take my soul, for it is yours and yours alone to take, and I shall live on in others throughout the years, as I watch you all perish and decay. I shall have no grief, only pity, for what a waste of space you all are...I pity you and your souls as they burn in hell eternally...I pity you...all of you...you worthless souls...
-Ms. Grim Reaper
About Me
- Gabby Lopez
- i love to sing, dance, and act, but i have major stage fright and i can't dance unless i've been taught moves, or a routine. :( i especially love to sing becuase people always tell my i have a great voice and when i sing people light up with a big smile and making people smile is just the greastest feeling in the enitre world!!! i've also been singing since i was young and it really makes me happy whenever i'm upset so it helps a lot, i get in trouble a lot for humming for singing in class but i dont mind much because in the cassroom i get to see others smile...including friends. ^_^
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Hate...
Hate is a strong word...
Hate is a strong feeling...
Hate does exist...
Hate hurts...
Hate creates rage...
Hate creates pain...
Hate creates sorrow...
Hate is everywhere...
Hate is in everyone...
Hate is painful...
Hate can't be taken back...
Hate is real...
Hate can change people...
He doesn't hate you...
Even if he does...</3
I never...
Ever will...
And I will always love you...<3
-Nikki (my crazy happy emotion)
Hate is a strong feeling...
Hate does exist...
Hate hurts...
Hate creates rage...
Hate creates pain...
Hate creates sorrow...
Hate is everywhere...
Hate is in everyone...
Hate is painful...
Hate can't be taken back...
Hate is real...
Hate can change people...
He doesn't hate you...
Even if he does...</3
I never...
Ever will...
And I will always love you...<3
-Nikki (my crazy happy emotion)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Never thought it would hurt THIS much... :'(
Dear Reader,
Have you ever felt left out...of everything??? I do...all the time!!! My friend Kikay is having a birthday party sleepover at a hotel in long island and I wasn't invited, yet polly, edward, sam, sarina, nicole, joanna, and joelle can go!? I don't really care that Joelle went, because I really wanted her to go and have fun. I told her this morning that I got over it, but I quickly realized that I really wasn't. I was busy all day so I forgot all about it. By mistake I called Joelle and I could hear all of them laughing and talking in the background and I just wanted to lay down and die...literally, I was slowly considering death as I was talking to Joelle. I started to cry when I was talking to her and my voice kept cracking. She realized that I was crying and she suddenly started to cry because I was. I felt in a way contempt to know that someone actually cared...people never care about me, I really don't know why, but I love everyone and care for everyone, even if I don't act like it. I make sure everyone is ok with the best of my power, but no one has ever returned the favor. It kind of confuses me, but still...I'm happy to know that there is at least 1 person looking out for me ^_^ LOVE YOU JOELLE!!! She's the best friend I've had in my entire life...I literally tell her everything, I'm not sure why, but I feel secure like nothing can hurt me when I'm hanging with her...like a kid does with it's mother...does that sound weird??? whatever, well it's true, in a way, she like a gaurdian angel, sielding me from harm, both emotional and physical. Thank you Joelle :)Even though I don't hate Kikay I feel deeply hurt, like a gaping hole is in my chest, like someone punched my straight through and left me to perish. I feel light-headed and my chest starts to hurt...my breaths get short and quick, my knees seem to buckle and my face has an emotionless expression on it, I feel...dead. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Sometimes I wonder what death is like...painful, peaceful, or is there and afterlife to wait for...so many questions but none of the answers. Sometimes I even wonder why I'm on the earth, I was a child that wasn't wanted, and my mom wanted a boy, I'm a girl. My sister hates me, my mom is always busy, I hate my step-dad and step-mom, my dad has money problems and is constantly in the hospital, my uncle just got out of jail and ended up back in, my other uncle also got out of jail and his wife cheated on him and then left him and took the kid too, my dads parents are dead, my other grandparents have barley any money, my great-grandmother is ill, my friends even talk behind my back, I'm constantly ignored, I feel like everyone hates me!!! I'm even starting to hate myself for being alive! I don't belong, no one wants me, I hate being alive, my only comfort is reading, writing and getting out of this hellhole people call their home, why can't I just die!? Kill me!!! I don't want to suffer any longer, I hate it here and I just want to drift off into a place where I can just be by myself forever and no one can hurt me ever again. Im sick of constantly not being able to fight my own battles, school, friends, family...I HATE EVERYONE!!! I JUST WANT TO DIE!!! SOMEONE PLEASE...just kill me.
Have you ever felt left out...of everything??? I do...all the time!!! My friend Kikay is having a birthday party sleepover at a hotel in long island and I wasn't invited, yet polly, edward, sam, sarina, nicole, joanna, and joelle can go!? I don't really care that Joelle went, because I really wanted her to go and have fun. I told her this morning that I got over it, but I quickly realized that I really wasn't. I was busy all day so I forgot all about it. By mistake I called Joelle and I could hear all of them laughing and talking in the background and I just wanted to lay down and die...literally, I was slowly considering death as I was talking to Joelle. I started to cry when I was talking to her and my voice kept cracking. She realized that I was crying and she suddenly started to cry because I was. I felt in a way contempt to know that someone actually cared...people never care about me, I really don't know why, but I love everyone and care for everyone, even if I don't act like it. I make sure everyone is ok with the best of my power, but no one has ever returned the favor. It kind of confuses me, but still...I'm happy to know that there is at least 1 person looking out for me ^_^ LOVE YOU JOELLE!!! She's the best friend I've had in my entire life...I literally tell her everything, I'm not sure why, but I feel secure like nothing can hurt me when I'm hanging with her...like a kid does with it's mother...does that sound weird??? whatever, well it's true, in a way, she like a gaurdian angel, sielding me from harm, both emotional and physical. Thank you Joelle :)Even though I don't hate Kikay I feel deeply hurt, like a gaping hole is in my chest, like someone punched my straight through and left me to perish. I feel light-headed and my chest starts to hurt...my breaths get short and quick, my knees seem to buckle and my face has an emotionless expression on it, I feel...dead. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Sometimes I wonder what death is like...painful, peaceful, or is there and afterlife to wait for...so many questions but none of the answers. Sometimes I even wonder why I'm on the earth, I was a child that wasn't wanted, and my mom wanted a boy, I'm a girl. My sister hates me, my mom is always busy, I hate my step-dad and step-mom, my dad has money problems and is constantly in the hospital, my uncle just got out of jail and ended up back in, my other uncle also got out of jail and his wife cheated on him and then left him and took the kid too, my dads parents are dead, my other grandparents have barley any money, my great-grandmother is ill, my friends even talk behind my back, I'm constantly ignored, I feel like everyone hates me!!! I'm even starting to hate myself for being alive! I don't belong, no one wants me, I hate being alive, my only comfort is reading, writing and getting out of this hellhole people call their home, why can't I just die!? Kill me!!! I don't want to suffer any longer, I hate it here and I just want to drift off into a place where I can just be by myself forever and no one can hurt me ever again. Im sick of constantly not being able to fight my own battles, school, friends, family...I HATE EVERYONE!!! I JUST WANT TO DIE!!! SOMEONE PLEASE...just kill me.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Are friends really friends??? :/
Dear Reader,
I was in school yesterday and I looked into my friend, Kikay's bag and saw invites for her birthday party sleepover thing. Last year she had people sleepover in a hotel room that she rents for her birthday. A few days ago I overheard her talking to Klaudia, a friend of both of ours about it. Today on the way home when we were walking together she and another friend of ours, Joelle were whispering and talking about it so I could hear it. They talked about it in the elevator on the way to drop off Kikay. When Kikay got out and me and Joelle were still in the elevator on the way out of the building I asked her if she was invited to Kikay's birthday...already knowing the obvious answer and I felt crushed when she answered so giddy and then she asked,"Why? Didn't you?" I felt a hole get punched through my gut and the answer shot out of me,"Um...I'm not." I start tearing and then my vision gets blurry, I can't stop myself this time,my emotions, feelings, worries, stress, all my horrible feelings are all be thrusted out of my being and it's consuming me until I'm this fragile little helpless girl who feels pain, the wanting of love, hope, bravery and who I truly am, a weak little girl who can't control her feelings anymore. It hurts to know that someone is actually seeing me like this...so vunerable and it hurts to know that I won't be there when they are all having fun together laughing and joking and giggling and deep down I really DO care for once, I feel so alone in the world. Like no one can even fathom all the crap I'm going through, all at one time, all my emotion is pouring out of me like a fireworks being shot into the night sky, except they look so bright and amazing, I'm this weakling that's always being hurt by others and can't stand her ground. I feel a soft spot deep in my core telling me to hold on...just hold on, look up, look up, always be looking upward!!!! My emotions stop all at once, my tears dry, and my face has an emotionless expression spread across it. I've locked away my feelings inside...deep inside, where no one can get to them ever again, so I can't be hurt, so I can't love anyone, so I don't care what other people think of me, so I can focus on other things...more important things like school work and being with my family(even though they aren't exactly the perfect family). I lock my feelings away so deep within me, as not to care for anyone but me, myself, and I. Do people actually love each other? Or do they just say that to say it, or is it just a feeling that feels weird so we just call it "love"? Are friends really friends...or are they just an excuse to have someone to be with when your lonely? It seems that way sometimes...actually most of the time. I never want to be hurt again...I've locked up my feelings and emotions, now nothing can hurt me. People say life is worth living..is it? Is it really? I've already given up on life...but I still have hope for DEATH...
-Ms. Grim Reaper (my emo emotion)
I was in school yesterday and I looked into my friend, Kikay's bag and saw invites for her birthday party sleepover thing. Last year she had people sleepover in a hotel room that she rents for her birthday. A few days ago I overheard her talking to Klaudia, a friend of both of ours about it. Today on the way home when we were walking together she and another friend of ours, Joelle were whispering and talking about it so I could hear it. They talked about it in the elevator on the way to drop off Kikay. When Kikay got out and me and Joelle were still in the elevator on the way out of the building I asked her if she was invited to Kikay's birthday...already knowing the obvious answer and I felt crushed when she answered so giddy and then she asked,"Why? Didn't you?" I felt a hole get punched through my gut and the answer shot out of me,"Um...I'm not." I start tearing and then my vision gets blurry, I can't stop myself this time,my emotions, feelings, worries, stress, all my horrible feelings are all be thrusted out of my being and it's consuming me until I'm this fragile little helpless girl who feels pain, the wanting of love, hope, bravery and who I truly am, a weak little girl who can't control her feelings anymore. It hurts to know that someone is actually seeing me like this...so vunerable and it hurts to know that I won't be there when they are all having fun together laughing and joking and giggling and deep down I really DO care for once, I feel so alone in the world. Like no one can even fathom all the crap I'm going through, all at one time, all my emotion is pouring out of me like a fireworks being shot into the night sky, except they look so bright and amazing, I'm this weakling that's always being hurt by others and can't stand her ground. I feel a soft spot deep in my core telling me to hold on...just hold on, look up, look up, always be looking upward!!!! My emotions stop all at once, my tears dry, and my face has an emotionless expression spread across it. I've locked away my feelings inside...deep inside, where no one can get to them ever again, so I can't be hurt, so I can't love anyone, so I don't care what other people think of me, so I can focus on other things...more important things like school work and being with my family(even though they aren't exactly the perfect family). I lock my feelings away so deep within me, as not to care for anyone but me, myself, and I. Do people actually love each other? Or do they just say that to say it, or is it just a feeling that feels weird so we just call it "love"? Are friends really friends...or are they just an excuse to have someone to be with when your lonely? It seems that way sometimes...actually most of the time. I never want to be hurt again...I've locked up my feelings and emotions, now nothing can hurt me. People say life is worth living..is it? Is it really? I've already given up on life...but I still have hope for DEATH...
-Ms. Grim Reaper (my emo emotion)
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