School sucks, for the most part...

Today was okay, except for 2 incidents with 2 teachers of mine that is. During my lunch period I go to the school library, I'm in 8th grade right now. Last year as a 7th grader I was a library monitor, I helped check in/out books, helped others find books, helped other people who were using the school computers, and I helped organize books on the shelves as well. It was an okay job and all, but what made it worth my wild was that I was with friends from around the school, so I always had someone to talk to. I was never lonely and we all worked together to keep the library running smoothly, "like a well-oiled machine", says my new science teacher. Anyway, last year some of the other monitors had to take tests in the beginning of the year to officially become monitors. Me and a few of the other monitors just joined some other way. I basically just kept coming to library as a student just visiting, but I came everyday, and eventually I learned where certain books were, how to work the school's computers, how to organize books in order, and how the checking in/out of the books worked and so I became a library monitor halfway through the school year. It was so fun and we all hung out together as we worked, it was so awesome. So this year I want to be a library monitor from start to finish, beginning to end, from dawn until dusk;metaphorically speaking that is. So I'm studying from index cards day by day trying to memorize as much as I possibly can, but it's so hard, because I barely study for an academic subject, let alone for something that I can quit anytime I please. So I'm trying, but apparently not hard enough, because I'm not remembering everything that I've been studying, what the hell is wrong with me!? I made a fool out of myself in library, when the librarian asked me a simple question, and then, without thinking, I blurted out an answer to a question she was asking someone else, so the librarian sent me into the next room in the library, and I sat there angry, frustrated, and upset that I'd gotten yelled at, even though it really was my fault, even if I wanted to blame it on my big mouth, I just know it was me being a complete idiot. Then when the first bell rang for our next class the librarian called me over again and scolded me, and told me to "get my act together". With that, she sent me off to class, science class -_-" I hate science, I have never been good at it, and I just keep getting worse. I got to science class about 30 seconds after the second bell for class rang. When I walked in I got yelled at, yet again, and signed into the "late book". Ugh! I sometimes think these teachers are out to get me. So I sit down in my seat in the front row, where I'm in perfect view of the teacher looking daggers at me, great. So the science teacher, Dr. Coppola, whose not even a Dr. for school, but a chiropractor, and just also happens to be a teacher, so people call him "Dr." Coppola. He asked the class to copy the board, then take out the papers we were suppose to get signed...what papers!? Then when the other students around me began taking out papers around me, I remembered the papers he gave us the class before. Dammit! I forgot! I wonder what he will yell at me now. And sure enough he does yell at me, he tells me, "Of course the student who comes in late to my class doesn't have the papers required." Who the hell do you think you are!? Asshole! He had just gotten me madder then before, awesome day so far, huh? In the middle of class I was getting so tired I started yawning like crazy, and I was just to sleepy to care what anyone thought about anything, and I totally forgot about being mad, I put my head down on the desk, but still tried to listen to what Dr. Coppola was saying. He was talking about the packet we had just read separately, and about the steps to the scientific method. He asked me to pick my head up, so I did, but I laid on my shoulder and on my hands to keep my head up, it felt like any second I would just pass out from exhaustion. I was secretly hoping I would so I could just go home, and get the heck out of this hellhole they call school, if I didn't have friends at school, I wouldn't even consider going to school in the first place. I'd like be on strike or something, locking myself in my room all day on my phone, I Pod, and watching tv all day long, only leaving my room to go to the bathroom, or getting food and drinks.

My Sister Leaving for Collage...

When my sister left for collage me, mike(step-dad), and especially my mother were all upset. At first my mom was bawling, but then she calmed down, then I started bawling, and cried until I got too tried and fell asleep(out like a light). I never saw Stefany(older sis) cry the day we left for home, so I thought she's be okay, but at home, things just weren't the same. The room she once was in every night, was now empty every night, the loud laughing noises emanating from her room were now silent. Everything seemed so much calmer and quieter...I hated it...so much. My parents get home really late, so I fen for myself for food(ramen, cup noodles, cereal, cold cuts and bread, water, etc.) and I feel so alone sometimes, so I just sit in my living room, and listen to the quietness that surrounds my being. One day when my mom and mike decided to take me to the movies, I brought a friend, George, and we went to see "Don't be afraid of the Dark". On the way there my mom broke down and started bawling, "It feels like my heart has been ripped out of me, it just hurts...sniff...it's just not the same...sniff sniff...I just miss her...sniff." Honestly I completely and utterly agreed with her, but I just couldn't sorry for some reason, I don't know why exactly, but I just couldn't. I mised her, that's for sure, but I couldn't cry, I'm just like that sometimes, when I'm sad I can cry, it's like because I cried so much when I was little that I ran out of tears, and when I do cry, it's usually because of something stupid that doesn't really matter to me, that I won't really get in trouble for, or when I'm not even sad, for example when I get a bad grade on a test I start crying, or when I have to speak in front of a big group of people(I have stage fright and everything, but I get a stomach ache, I don't feel sad or anything, so why do I cry?).

My Sisters Encouragement...

I miss my older sister, Stefany Christine Lopez(age:18). She went to collage just about a week ago and I miss her so much already, but when we text each other she encourages me to my best and be the best person I can possibly be. She's rooting for me, and it makes me so much stronger. For the last month or so before school started I was worried about all the drama that goes down, and I was worried that I would get involved in it and not be strong enough to deal with it, but now I know I can. I payed the month before school started, "Please god, help me become a stronger person, both in body and mind." I guess he or she heard me because little by little I'm getting stronger, both in body and mind. Little things here and there that are worth living for are helping me be this person that my parents can be proud of, that people can finally look up to, who my friends can respect, and that most of all, that my sister can be proud of. I'm so glad that my sister is fulfilling her dream, she wants to become a writer, so she's majoring in Creative Writing. She's doing okay so far, but her roomates act like she's not even there, and worst, her two roomies are best friends who grew up together so they hang out all the time both in and out of the dorm, and don't include my sister, which kind of pisses me off because she has been trying this whole time to have a conversation with them, but it seems to only last all of about 5 seconds. With my encouragement I hope that I can help her like she's helped me all these years.

You Prick!!!

Dear Reader,
Today was an okay day...you know, the usual, just relaxing at home while doing hw and eating like a crazy person. I played handball at lunch today and lost to epically, lol, I'm such an epic fail, I need to step my game up!!! I wonder how my friends are feeling, you know how people think they can read you...like a freaking open book...well they freaking can't!!! They need to keep their curiousness out of others peoples buisness! When your sad others are like "leave her/him alone, they probably got hurt" or "let them sulk, it's just a bad test grade" or "they are sad because their bf/gf broke up with them", its like who the fuck are you to tell others how I feel when you don't even know how you feel, I mean seriously, shut the hell up! Who told you to speak for me, go away, stop being such a prick!!! Sorry, I just really had to get that off my chest, well anyway, post a comment on how you feel, don't care what kind of emotion it may be...


-Nikki

Love...

Miss, fail, sad, dispair, loath, pain, suffering, lonliness, depression, unhappiness, remorse, mourn, scowl, glare, eyes like daggers, hiss, snarl, bite, cut, scrape, stab, bleed, gush, snap, crack, crush, break, leak, flow, rush, rip, stop, cover, heal, free, freedom, happienes, joy, no grief, no pain, no suffering, only the knowing that someone is out there watching you, caring for you, no matter what bad things you may have done, do or will do now or in the near future as well, knowing that you're safe, and out of dangers way, from that horrid path of injustice, even if its just for the time being...that someone loves you, and that you love them back as well...that is was love truly is, and that is what love should always be like, for everyone, and if it's not, i feel very sorry fopr you, i pity u. for u will never know what real love is like, the beauty and grace of it, but also the thrill and excitement, along with the pain and suffering too, so enjoy life and all its hate, love, and even in-betweens...love you all and hope you continue to read my blog!!! ^_^ 
-fyi me and my friend Joelle made this, so we both posted on our blogs, the same thing, so i dont get all the credit :)

My Dreams...

Dear Reader,
What's your point of view on singers? What do you think a good singer is made of? Just looks? Voice? Behavior? What they wear? What they like to do? What is it that makes you like particular singers so much? I want to know because when I'm older I plan on becoming a singer and I need as much advice as I can get, and why not people who are the ones who judge other singers??? Please help in anyway you can. I try my hardest in singing and even get in trouble sometimes in class for humming with even knowing it. My grandmother told me when I was little I used to watch movies and memorize them and end up singing the songs over and over. I already know I loved/love Annie, Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, and Pink because they speak from the heart about real problems in the world, not JUST dealing with them personally and to me that's what counts when your singing. When I sing for others, all I think about is trying to make them smile, that's what I love to do, maybe that's why I also like making people laugh too. The fact that there are few, but some latino singers incourages me. Another is that my last name is Lopez and if George and Jennifer Lopez can make it to singing and making people laugh and smile as much as they do, then why can't I? I'll make it, no matter what, no tricks, no lies, just an honest, hard working 13 year old girl who wants badly to fullfill her dream of becoming a singer, even for a short while. I want to be a singer that'll be remembered through the years, even after I'm dead, not by making mistakes and cheating to make it to the top, but for making it through everything and anything for being a good, not-self-centered person, who doesn't rely on others or looks to be a good singer, or to even being manipulative to become famous. One day I hope my dream will come true, and until then, I'll be needing help from  anyone and everyone!!! ^_^ To never forget the little people in my life and to protect my family and friends at all costs. I'm one of the few people who has respect for the fine arts and adults and those through the years who've made a difference in the world, anyway they can. Someone once said that "Behind every success is effort...behind every effort is passion...behind every passion is someone with the courage to try." Although I really like that motto, I have a better one, that I've lived by since birth..."Never give up without a fight!!!" It's my life motto and I stick to it with all my heart, and I promise you all this...I will make it someday, and I will be remembered for great things, and I thank everyone who's supported me up to this point, and those in the future as well. Don't get me wrong, I've had lessons before, but can you believe that I've never made a mistake? Well, it's true, as long as you learn from your mistake, it's not a mistake, but a lesson. "Behind every mistake is a lesson." I've never made a mistake, but many lessons, and I live by those lessons to this day, and it's taught me a lot, even in the only 13 years of my life so far. My parents didn't baby me when I was little and it's made me strong, and that's why I've been able to make it to where I am now, a successful student with a great family and unbelieveable friends, with a strong personality and will power that you wouldn't believe, to make the best out of any situation, to make it through anything and everything. Love you all and I hope you will fullfill your dreams like I will someday. Peace out!!! <3 ^_^

-Gabrielle Lopez
99-13 62nd drive Apt #3
Rego Park, NY 11374

My Soul Is Yours To Take...

I do not fear death, long nor short. I have no soul to take, but you may take my body. I can niether be in heaven nor hell, for my spirit moves on throughout the world...searching for a new host. My spirit has no heart, feels no love, weakness, pride, sadness, anger, lust, greed, hate, suffering, joy, peace, nor happiness and or fear. The only emotion I do have...is pity. I'm contempt to have only pity. To pity the ones suffering in pain or fear or heartbreak. To pity the people with a hunger for anything and everything and will do whatever it takes to get it, and it becomes thier downfall. To pity the weak and defenseless who can't provide for themselves, it's quite invigorating I might say so myself. I can only have pity, because I have no soul, so I therefore have no emotions...despite pity for pity's sake. So take my soul, for it is yours and yours alone to take, and I shall live on in others throughout the years, as I watch you all perish and decay. I shall have no grief, only pity, for what a waste of space you all are...I pity you and your souls as they burn in hell eternally...I pity you...all of you...you worthless souls...

-Ms. Grim Reaper